Traveling – the fear you SHOULD listen to

Traveling - the fear you SHOULD listen toI have a confession to make. I’ve been a pretty fearful person for most of my life. I used to look at people traveling overseas and think, “Wow, it would be a dream to do that. It’s a shame I’m too scared to be that person.”  I still fight panic attacks when I’m traveling alone, especially overseas.

That’s why I wanted to write this. I’ve done a lot of research over fear and perception the past couple of years, and I’ve learned quite a bit. And what I’ve learned can help you live more freely, and also more safely.

You need to know that there are two types of fears when you travel: One you should ignore, and one you should listen to. And when you realize the difference, you can take on the world.

The first type of fear you face when traveling is fear of the unknown or different. This is the big one. Things that are different, far away, or possibly catastrophic seem much scarier to us…..even though they may not be real risks.

For instance, it’s common knowledge that we tend to be more scared of being killed by a terrorist bomb in Paris than by a car wreck in our home city. Even though the likelihood of one of those happening is…..about never. Why is this? A few reasons.

  • We get used to the fears around us. Chances are, you drive to work every day inches from other cars driving at top speeds. Are you scared? Probably not. Because you’ve gotten used to it. We also hear of crime in other cities and forget that the places we live have crime as well.
  • Things far away seem more out of our control. It’s true that you may not be as familiar with a new city, but in all honesty, we don’t have much control wherever we are. And you can travel just as safely in most European cities as you can in the US, provided you take safety precautions.
  • Tragedies get sensationalized and plastered across our social media at astounding rates – much more than their actual risk to us. So we tend to fear things that make the headlines, even though the likelihood of them happening is almost zero.
  • We have no frame of reference for travel overseas…except the media or stories we’ve heard. What do you think of when you hear the word hostel? If you say “the movie Hostel,” DINGDINGDING that’s the perfect example. It’s not realistic at all, but that’s the only reference you have.

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So we fear things that are novel, immediate, and seem out of our control.

These are the fears we have to look at for what they are – things that make us uncomfortable about non-risky situations. With these fears, you do everything you can to decrease your risk and to travel safely (which we’ve listed below), but you still travel. If you’re traveling to a safe area, these fears are not signals that you are doing something unsafe (although it may feel like it!) but rather outside of your comfort zone.

But there is a fear that you should listen to when you travel overseas. And even when you’re at the grocery store in your own hometown.

The fear you should listen to? Gut instinct.

That sudden nudge inside you that says something, someone, a situation, is not quite right. So many times we ladies don’t want to “look silly” – especially if we don’t have a logical reason why we feel uncomfortable. We override our gut instinct with logic.

Gut instinct is always telling you something. And if you have sudden warning bells of distrust of a person or situation, listen to it.

Don’t believe me? Listen to Gavin de Becker, who is “the nation’s leading expert on predicting violent behavior.” His book, The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence, is pretty amazing, and well-worth the read in my opinion. He’s spent his life figuring out how predators behave and what actions can save lives.

Why should you listen to gut instinct?

  • Our brain processes so much – and much faster than we can logically analyze it all. If warning bells go off in your head, your brain may have already picked up on small clues that you hadn’t even realized yet.
  • Facial expressions are the same everywhere. In De Becker’s book, he relates how we react with facial expressions unconsciously if we are fearful, sad, etc. And sixty-six signals are listed as being valid worldwide to every culture on earth. For instance, aggression has the same expression in every culture.

What does this mean? It means that it doesn’t matter which culture you’re in, your body is still amazingly-equipped to pick up on true danger. And many times, your gut knows when something is wrong. Listen to that. Trust yourself enough to listen, whether you’re at home or abroad.

When you travel, you’re around new people and in different situations. We recommend a few things to be able to listen to your gut instinct.

Ways to pay attention to your gut instinct when traveling:

  • Stay sober and alert. Your inhibitions go down with more alcohol. You also appear more vulnerable to predators.
  • Toss the headphones or earbuds while walking around town or jogging. You’re essentially blinding one of your senses….and predators can see that.
  • Say no to any situation where you feel uncomfortable, even if someone is offering to help you. You don’t have to explain. Skip the politeness. Be direct. This is a case where you don’t worry about being that rude American tourist. If someone is pushing your boundaries and manipulating you – say you don’t need help. You have permission. You do not need a reason.

Extra tips from De Becker’s book:

  • If stranded, approach a female for help. Statistically speaking that’s safer.
  • If stranded, proactively approach someone else instead of waiting for someone to approach you. Why? You’re very unlikely to choose someone who is looking to harm someone specifically like you. You would be more likely to be approached by someone wishing to do you harm.

All in all, don’t let fear stand in the way of an incredible adventure. Push past your comfort zone and listen to your gut instinct. It’s a beautiful combination of living freely, yet safely.

What tips or stories do you have from overcoming fear or listening to your gut instinct?

Also see our page Safety Tips for Women

safety tips for women traveling overseas

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Kinda is an author, speaker, and hopeless wanderer. Her favorite places in the world include Manarola, Italy, and Gimmelwald, Switzerland. In her free time, you can find her bargain shopping and hanging out at coffee shops.

Posted in On The Road
4 comments on “Traveling – the fear you SHOULD listen to
  1. Amy Campbell says:

    I really like this post. I would say that I have the ability to trust my gut instinct and so I had a fantastic solo trip abroad in 2012 to the west of Ireland. I indeed did listen to my gut and I had the best trip! I met someone who will be a friend for life and the entire trip was planned in under 5 days (thanks to Delta Airlines). I really did have gut warnings before leaving the US…I even missed my flight. The next day, it was an all clear signal (no gut warnings). I was peaceful and enjoyed every single bit of the trip. Your recommendations are SPOT ON! Great post!

    • Kinda Wilson says:

      Glad you enjoyed it Amy! Yes, it’s been an interesting process for me as well, learning the difference between being uncomfortable in a new situation, and my gut instinct about things. Most of the time, fear of the unknown involves a lot of worrying and anxiety ahead of time. While gut instinct is just that small voice that says, “Something is off with this.”

      I was so fearful before staying in my first hostel, but when I got there, the girls were great, and I remember thinking, “I don’t feel uncomfortable at all, now that I’m here.”

      ps you’re making me want to go back to Ireland 😉

      Here’s to us both living freely and having more adventures this year!

  2. Holly says:

    As a female who has lived overseas in Thailand for nearly five years, I applaud this! It can be done….and I have traveled extensively throughout Southeast Asia, both solo and with another female.

    I can relate to the “frame of reference” aspect. When Thailand went through a coup earlier this year, folks back in the US freaked out, but most folks here – Thais included – went out and took selfies with the coup soldiers. It’s all about arming yourself with knowledge!

  3. Brad says:

    I especially liked the part about approaching someone else for help. It’s important to remember that you are much safer choosing that waiting to be chosen. Take care.

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